The Sugar Ray delivery
By Michael Moriarty
We Americans are counter-punchers, rather like Sugar Ray Robinson or Sugar Ray Leonard. We’ve never really won a war we have ourselves started, so the fighting policy of the United States Department of Defense, at least with me as President, will be counter-punching – very precise responses, surgical really, for every punch the Red Chinese throw.
I’m rather nonplussed by the absence of an American response to joint maneuvers between Red China and the Russian Federation. I know we’re a bit busy in Iraq, but attention must be paid. We should at the very least be thumbing our noses more wittily at the show of force by these two Frick and Fracks.
Why didn’t we, instead of the Danish, start running satirical cartoons of that Hitler in a Turban, Mohammed, and his version of Thor – Allah? Where has our courage gone? Al Qaeda blamed the cartoon uproar on America, of course. It’s humiliating… and then to watch most American mainstream media refuse to publish the cartoons so we could see what all the fuss was about! They are in the news business, not the cultural sensitivity business, for cry eye! It would be as if caricatures of Emperor Hirohito weren’t allowed after Pearl Harbor. 9/11 HAPPENED…DUH!
To some, I sound like Barry Goldwater, don’t I? America rejected him the way Socialist England fired Winston Churchill after the Second World War.
Wake up, America !
Reagan threw the Strategic Defense Initiative at the Soviets. Whether it was real or possible or extant now doesn’t matter. That threat brought down the Berlin Wall.
What are my orders to the Department of Defense and Strategic Air Command?
“We will be increasing the speed of our delivery and retargeting. Yes, now that Beijing has let us know they are so inside our computers that we can’t even retarget without their knowing it… well, here’s how we respond. Since we’ve never won a war we started, we may have to endure the first punch. My administration categorically declares that we will never, ever engage in a pre-emptive strike. As Robert Kennedy advised his brother John, we don’t want to be known as the American Hirohitos, or, in contemporary terms, Yankee Osamas. We don’t have to be.
“However, the minute our eagle satellites detect the tip of a missile leaving a Red Chinese silo… well, our retargeting will have been speeded up and the delivery systems drastically improved. We hope, after seeing the Red Chinese fists commit, our knuckles will reach their face and body before theirs reach ours.
“The devil, the anti-Christ is known for his impatience… he just can’t wait to act… and despite all the vaunted, Oriental patience the Chinese have been known for… none of that really existed in the soul of Mao Zedong. He talked at a Buddhist volume but, damn, his actions were all pre-emptive. That’s how he rose to power.
“If China's current leaders think they’re more powerful alive than Mao is dead… well, ask a Catholic just how powerful Christ really is… and he’s been dead for almost two thousand years.
“Yes, this will be publicly announced. We’ve nothing to hide and they do.”
God bless you, my darling Americans
Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning actor who has appeared in the landmark television series Law and Order, the mini-series Taken, and the TV-movie The 4400. He recently starred in Pick Me Up, an episode of the Showtime TV series Masters of Horror. Michael Moriarty is also running for President of the United States in 2008 as a candidate for the Realists Party. To find out more about Moriarty’s presidential campaign, contact
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