By Lisa Fabrizio
(Author's note: Please refrain from following links until reading the note at the end of this piece.)
They say it's always darkest just before the dawn and that every cloud has a silver lining. It's often easy to brush these old saws off in a world as dark and dreary as ours has been since last November. But Spring, like hope, still springs eternal and as we enter the vernal equinox, the ice in our winter of discontent may be thawing just a bit.
The good news started rolling in slowly recently when Arlen Specter of all people, stood in the schoolhouse door of the Card Check Bill, saying that he would vote against the insidious legislation that would spread union membership like the plague. Specter is undoubtedly reeling from the one-two punch of backlash against his support for the Stimulus Package and primary opponent Bill Toomey's ascendance in the polls. But whatever the reason, his newfound courage is a breath of fresh Spring air.
The next show of intestinal fortitude came from over 100 scientists who, sponsored by the Cato Institute, placed a full-page ad in major newspapers telling Barack Obama: "Mr. President, your characterization of the scientific facts regarding climate change and the degree of certainty informing the scientific debate is simply incorrect." On the heels of this came news that those across the Atlantic may be rethinking their views on climate change, with the European Union agreeing to convene new hearings on the subject.
At a recent meeting of the International Conference on Climate Change, Vaclav Klaus, president of the Czech Republic, questioned the rationale of acting radically and hastily on the basis of junk science: "Should we give preference to future generations and not to the people living in undeveloped countries today? My answer is no." Eduard Nemchek, spokesman for the EU, whose rotating presidency is currently in Czech hands said, "When proposed by Europeans and couched in the language of compassion, serious weight must be given to alternative opinions."
Also making news--though you'd hardly notice it because of the gag order on the current Vice President--was Joe Biden and his comments to the Lackawanna County Hibernian Club last week. Given that it was a private function and not a single reporter is assigned to cover him, he felt free to remark that maybe Tim Geithner was not the best man to head the Treasury Department: "I mean, sheesh! Compared to this guy, George W. Bush looks like a Harvard MBA!...Huh?"
And speaking of the Crimson, a shocking report comes from a research scientist from Harvard, of all places, who has agreed with Pope Benedict XVI, that condoms are not the cure for AIDS in Africa. "The Pope is correct," said Edward C. Green, director of the AIDS Prevention Research Project. He went on to state what, up until a few decades ago, would have been painfully obvious; "The best and latest empirical evidence indeed shows that reduction in multiple and concurrent sexual partners is the most important single behavior change associated with reduction in HIV-infection rates."
In more good news from the Tiber, Nancy Pelosi disclosed for the first time, the details of her meeting with the Holy Father in Rome and revealed her Lenten commitment to return to a real and full communion with the Church. "I have decided, with the help of my spiritual advisor, Father Luther Martin, to commission a House panel investigating this 'Natural Law' the Holy Father spoke about and whether or not it has any bearing on American history. After all," she said, "Lent is a special time for reflection and atonement."
And speaking of reflection, John McCain, ever vigilant in his quest to clean up election laws, has proposed a bipartisan panel of his own to investigate the lack of oversight on Congressional Banking Oversight Committees. "Just as Russ Feingold and I teamed up to enact legislation to keep dirty PAC money out of our hands, it is now vital that we keep TARP and other funds from winding up in our campaign coffers, and it's my pleasure to announce that my good friend Chris Dodd will head this investigation"
And finally folks, the best news of all. Left-wingers in this country have finally admitted that Rush Limbaugh is an unconquerable force and that they should cease to demonize him and his followers. A liberal commentator at the Huffington Post has advised his brethren to Wave the White Flag in the Limbaugh War, saying that the attention given Rush by the Obama Administration has enabled him "in a perverse way [to] paint himself as a credible and thoughtful political critic." As opposed, say, to those at HuffPost?
Note: You might have caught on by now that some of these quotes were April Fool's gags. But, without following the links, can you guess which ones?
Get weekly updates about new issues of ESR!