Boulder leads Colorado as capital of weirdness

By Nicholas Sanchez
web posted May 29, 2000

I would like to offer this suggestion to whoever is in charge of such things. I think that the capital of Colorado should be changed from Denver to Boulder.

While you may be scratching your head in wonderment as to why I would offer such a suggestion, let me explain why I think this makes perfect sense. Boulder is one of the most geographically beautiful areas in the United States. It is probably the most culturally diverse area in the state, thanks in large part to the presence of the University of Colorado at Boulder (CU). Economically, it is an affluent area -- home to many famous and infamous, such as John and Patsy Ramsey. Politically, Boulder is radically progressive. And, as everyone who is a native Coloradan (like me) knows, Boulder can pretty much be counted on to champion any screwball idea that comes down the pike.

It was, after all, the mayor of Boulder who a few years ago made national news by offering Boulder as a refuge for homeless people. It was in Boulder where a proposal was seriously being considered by the local Powers That Be to install a device in every resident's car, to monitor how many miles were being driven in the city. People who drove over the set limit would be fined. Those who drove under the limit would be rewarded with some type of cash payment by the local government. And, of course, Boulder was one of the first cities in the nation to outlaw smoking in any public facility, including bars.

To sum up, most of the people in Boulder are cuckoo.

Why then, you might ask, would I then want to move the seat of government from Denver (which is overwhelmingly liberal but much milder) to Boulder (the land of fruits and nuts)? The answer is because I believe that the Boulder mindset has taken over many of the government officials in Colorado. And so, they should come clean, empty their offices, load up their vehicles, and declare Boulder the new capital.

A few months ago we heard reports that Colorado was considering the "Obesity Prevention Act", a bill that would have outlawed fat people . . . or, perhaps, it would have outlawed people from being fat.

Why the government should care whether or not I eat chicken wings and pizza at 11:30 at night, I am still unclear.

Now we have learned that Denver mayor, Wellington Webb, would like to spend $1.5 million to track city vehicles with Global Positioning System satellites. It seems that Mayor Webb is concerned that some city employees may not necessarily be putting in full days of work; and -- shock, shock -- may actually be napping or playing cards on the job.

Of course, to do something like this would be ludicrous.

Denver lawyer Ellen Kelman said it best: "There is no system that will prevent some individuals from engaging in abuse. ... But do we want to infringe on the rights of all to catch a few scofflaws?"

Apparently, Mr. Webb has no problem with this. Having given up his privacy to be a public servant, he seems to think that city workers have likewise surrendered their rights to privacy. So be it.

I vote that Boulder become the new state capital. Mayor Webb become crowned King Webb. And city workers be renamed "serfs."

Beam me up!

Nicholas Sanchez is co-host of the Free Congress Foundation's "New Nation" radio program.

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