Ode to The Smiths

By Bernard Chapin
web posted June 23, 2003

I generally don't buy magazines at the bookstore as I am content
with the three to which I subscribe. After I supplement my
journal reading with books and thousands of free online essays I
am usually too blurry eyed to investigate much else, but, when I
heard that Anthony Gancarski had written a piece about the late
band The Smiths, I dutifully headed to the Borders up the street.
I wasn't happy about supporting the receptacle that the article
came in, The American Conservative, but sacrifices must be
made in honor of compact discs which yield a lifetime's worth of
service. My main problem with that particular publication is that
one of its editors, Pat Buchanan, is not a free marketeer and if
you don't believe in the free market then you can't ride with the
Bern–well, not on more than this one unpredictable occasion I
suppose. That being said, the magazine showed fine judgment in
publishing "The Smiths: A Conservative Rock Band." Publicity
like this brings neophytes to the band's records and that is a
noble act indeed.

I will now admit to you something that I've never admitted to
anyone before and that is The Smiths are one of my favorite
bands of all time. Whenever I'm asked who my favorite "artist"
is, I usually answer with Elvis Costello, Bob Dylan or Cake, but
never mention The Smiths. Perhaps it's because they haven't
been heard from since 1987 or maybe it's because I try to
distance myself from the image of being a "creature of the
eighties lagoon." Regardless of the rationale, my not mentioning
the band is futile denial. I am grateful to Mr. Gancarski for
writing his piece and bringing their immaculate talents to
everyone's attention.

There is much right about the essay although the writer in no way
makes the case for The Smiths being conservative. Gancarski
does make some excellent observations such as today,
"America's popular music machine gravitates toward synthetic
beats and the construction of pop stars indistinguishable from
exotic dancers." He's completely right about that. Who hasn't
seen a Brittany Spears video and thought the same thing? Our
culture has been irrevocably degraded and the post-modernists
like it that way. All cultures are the same, even those who
practice cannibalism (wouldn't it be helpful though, on a multitude
of levels, if a few of those multicultural advocates went back in a
time machine and lived with some of those human eating south-
Pacific tribes and documented the exact extent of their
cannibalism?).

The Smiths did not need syncopated gimmicks or pasties
covering their privates. They got by with brilliant energy and
magnificent talent. Johnny Marr is not a physically imposing
specimen but he played the guitar like a nine foot titan. The music
on their albums is as good as any you'll find anywhere. I'm
reminded of a rumor regarding their breakup. It was whispered
that their implosion was due to a song that Marr created which
Morrissey found repugnant and not worth putting to words.
Marr, in disgust, supposedly took it to Brian Ferry who happily
recorded it. That song, "The Right Stuff", became a big hit for
Ferry. This rumor is believable because of the personalities
involved. It was inopportune that their comet extinguished itself
just as young listeners like myself became utterly devoted to their
serenades.

 Gancarski makes an unique argument when he states that The
 Smiths could be considered reactionary or "conservative in the
 historical sense" if you define conservatism as being "a mindset
 that demands meaning in its music." I agree that there is meaning
 in The Smiths music but such meaning alone would not make it
 conservative, perhaps anti-relativist, but not conservative. We
 would not consider the opus of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
 to be conservative in the least, but meaning, they certainly had.
 The same is true of John Lennon's solo work. Ultimately, any
 music that enhances one's mood has great meaning to the
 listener. Whether it was the lyrics of Morrissey or the riffs of
 Marr that contributed to this heavenly uplift, matters not.

I personally do not see The Smiths as being classifiable on the
political spectrum. They confound whoever wishes to analyze
them but the one thing they do not appear to be is conservative.
When Morrissey sang "I'd like to drop my trousers to the
queen…the poor and the needy are selfish and greedy on her
terms" we do not think of laissez faire economics. It certainly
does not reflect regal respect or would have been greeted
favorably by the Torries who were in office when the song was
released.

To me, and you're welcome to disagree, Morrissey's lyrics rarely
refer to anything political at all. Even the song "Hand in Glove"
which Gancarski refers to as embodying "the death throes of
English socialism" seems to me to more denote homosexuality
than the evil practice of socialism. "Hand in Glove" includes the
lyric, "the sun shines out of our behinds" which is rather
suggestive. Also, as far as government intervention in the
economy is concerned, Morrissey's announcement that "England
is mine and it owes me a living" is more reflective of some of the
welfare recipients that I've met than a true conservative.
Furthermore, the majority of conservatives would take issue with
the line "shop-lifters of the world, unite and take over."

Their oeuvre contains countless references to ambiguous
sexuality such as "If you ever need self-validation, just meet me
in the corner of the railway station" and "let me get my hands on
your mammary glands." Yet, for every ambiguous reference,
there are several more homosexual ones such as "in a scholarly
room, who will swallow whom" which could only apply to the
male members of our species. Another lyric, "you can pin and
mount me like a butterfly" leaves little to the imagination. Neither
does the "he kicks me in the showers and he grabs and devours."
Welcome to Stateville my friend!

The case for conservatism gets even weaker when one examines
the tune "Meat is Murder", which they liked so much they named
their album after it. The lines "the flesh that you so fancifully fry/ is
not succulent, tasty or nice/it's death for no reason/ and death for
no reason is MURDER." Ah, no it isn't. It's survival. No human
societies have been strictly vegetarian. Anyway, such arguments
don't really matter but you see the point. This was not even John
Major's conservative band let alone Margaret Thatcher's.
 
Even discarding sexuality or politics, the words are beguiling and
rare. To this day I'm still laughing about "writing frightening verse
to a buck-toothed girl in Luxemburg" and use the quote "some
girls are bigger than others" at least once a month. I dread the
fact that there possibly never will be another band like The
Smiths. This worthless era of hip-hop and rap is infinitely
depressing but the present is redeemed by the fact that you can
still buy all of The Smiths catalogue. After all, there are far too
few moments of euphoria in life and I envy you if you've never
heard their music before. I just wish I hadn't so I could hear "The
Queen is Dead" for the first time again. To those of you who are
unfamiliar with The Smiths, I close by echoing a line from another
band of the eighties, "Why can't I be you?"

Bernard Chapin is a school psychologist and adjunct faculty
member in Chicago. He can be reached at emeritus@flash.net.

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