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12/16/2002 Archived Entry: "Men and women"

SEX, OR A DESIRE FOR IT, IS INEVITABLE: Non-political post this time because frankly I'm more than a little tired of Trent Lott, Al Gore and all that other stuff dominating today's headlines.

Babe blogger Sarah Hatter recently made an interesting post on her web site about men and women who are friends and how inevitably they are eventually drawn to each other.

"The human animal has an appetite for low rise jeans and men's cologne and the twain meet in platonic social gatherings where everyone is assumed to be 'just friends.' This works for some time, people gather and are social and impress each other with how beautiful and charming and witty they all are. Thongs stick out of low rise jeans, men's cologne is prevelant at gatherings after 8pm and everyone is impressed by everyone. But those two people who spend an awful lot of time together, who call each other on the phone and exchange all that email, who seem to be exceptionally impressed by each other, those two people aren't just friends. They will never admit this to you, but in secret late night conversations after everyone else has gone home, they will flirt incessantly by telling each other they're such good friends."

This has happened to me twice, though in different ways. Back in university, I was friends with a woman who was remarkable looking in that patrician way, kind and happened to share four out of the five classes I was enrolled in that year. We literally became inseparable and even used to call each other in the mornings to wake each other up, car pool to school, and then go to class together. I have to admit that it was sometimes difficult, when hearing her "I just woke up" voice, not to imagine I wasn't beside her doing the waking. Proximity eventually results in feelings and I developed powerful feelings for her though I never let on so much as a hint of them, though women being what they are she may have suspected. She happened to be engaged (though that later ended badly) and frankly I could have never asked her out even if she wasn't attached. I still remember the last time I saw her...

The second time was with a woman who is still my friend. We spent (and continue to) a lot of time together and we like each other a lot as friends. Often, after a weekend night of drinking and having (clean) fun, we'd end up back at her house and just sit on the couch and talk for hours, watch TV or listen to music before I stumbled home at 6am. Well, it didn't take long for us to be considered more than friends and stories -- some serious, others less so -- circulated that we had, as the kids would say, hooked up. I guess kissing each other when one leaves to go to another bar might promote that sort of belief. Feelings? Well, we are still friends. Somethings are better left unexplored.

I wonder if Sarah is right and men and women today have to work overtime to make sure that they don't begin falling for each other.