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11/22/2003 Archived Entry: "Chick Movie Alert: Mona Lisa Smile"

GOD, NOT AGAIN: Another movie starring Julia Roberts. I can't take it any more. Read on.

Every time I see Julia Roberts in a movie I think of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer's IQ jumped thanks to a crayon removed from his brain and he visits a movie theatre. Playing is Roberts' "Love is Beautiful" and she's just about to be married:

Priest: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Groom 1: [simultaneously with Groom 2] I do.
Groom 2: [simultaneously with Groom 1] I do.
Priest: [points to one] One groom? [points to other] Two grooms? But he ... but you can't ... oh, my medication. [faints, and falls into the wedding cake]
Boy: Radical!
Wed. Usher: Is that your final answer? [audience laughs]
Homer: I don't understand; that wasn't funny.
Patty: Wait a minute. Somebody's not laughing here. [points to Homer] It's him!
Homer: Hey, don't blame me, this movie is tired and predictable. You know she's going to wind up marrying Richard Gere. [audience gasps in surprise]
Hibbert: I thought she was going to wind up with that rich snob.
McAllister: Ably played by Bill Paxton.
Homer: That's Bill *Pullman*, you fool! [someone knocks Homer out with a 2-by-4]
[cut to the front of the movie theater, as Homer is shown the door]
Mov. Usher: Point out your plot holes elsewhere.
Homer: [to the heavens] Is there no place for the man with the 105 IQ?