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Headline news you will never see

By Marcus J. Goldman
web posted July 12, 2004

"John Kerry Announces Running Mate: Media Low Key"
The media barely reacted today after learning of Presidential hopeful John Kerry's choice for Vice President. The media's blasé attitude and muted enthusiasm supported their unbiased approach to the elections...

-"Attorney General Ashcroft and President Bush Encourage Free Speech Despite Incitement" Today, Attorney General Ashcroft and President Bush reaffirmed their support for freedom by ignoring vile, sometimes threatening hate speech directed at them....

-"President Bush Even in National Poll Despite Contrived Headlines"
Remarkably, President Bush is locked in a virtual dead heat with challenger John Kerry despite being skewered by the press....

-"U.S. Victorious in Iraq!"
The United States defeated Saddam Hussein leading the way for freedom in the Middle East...

-"No Catastrophic Terror Attacks in U.S. Since 9/11"
In a ceremony designed to thank the President, Tom Ridge, John Ashcroft, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice and law enforcement, the American people congratulated....

-"Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell are Black: Minority Groups Delighted"
In choosing the best people for the job, the President was thanked by the NAACP for his commitment....

-"Bill Cosby Designated to be next Secretary of Education"
Garnering overwhelming support from the Congressional Black Caucus, Bill Cosby...

-"Bush Fights Aids with Billions"
The people of Africa and Liberal activists here at home thanked the President for his commitment to fighting global...

-"Allies Betray the United States: the French Say 'NON!'"
Traditional, fair weather European allies, placing hidden, selfish interests first, choose not to aid America at its time of need....

-"Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, Stock Market Above 10,000!"
Despite an inherited recession, 9/11, the crash of e-businesses and two wars, a million jobs have been created this year forging the way for strong economic growth in all sectors...

-"War Effort Hampered by U.S. 'Insurgents'"
A new poll finds that the vast majority of Americans fiercely oppose the far left's attempts to incite radical Iraqi elements...

-"McCain and Kerry: Seven Years and Four Months"
While John McCain spent seven years in a Vietnamese prison having his arm torn out of his socket, John Kerry ended his four month tour of duty with tons of medals...

-"George Bush Overcomes Past Personal Vices and Leads Enlightened Life"
Americans take heart in knowing that President Bush, using inner strength and a strong belief in God, overcame his own personal demons to embrace values that....

-"George Bush: Risk Taker in the Name of Freedom and Security"
Unlike former President Clinton, who chose to play it safe, thus deferring critical decisions to the next administration, President Bush has taken bold steps to secure freedom...

-"Poll Finds Most Americans have Conservative Values"
A recent secret poll reveals that the majority of Americans value monogamy, traditional family values, economic and personal responsibility and....

-"Lincoln, Truman: Buffoonery or Brilliance?"
Both Lincoln, who truly infringed on individual rights and Truman, who dropped the big one, are now held as two of the greatest warrior presidents ever. Historically, both were ridiculed, treated by the press and by fellow Americans with extreme malice, called buffoons and considered to be stupid....

-"Water Drinkable, Air Breathable!"
Americans spend time still enjoying breathable air and drinkable water...

-"Schools, Roads and Power: Up and Running in Iraq!"
American and coalition troops are performing miraculously well, engaging in acts of altruism and...

"Abu Ghraib an Anomaly: U.S. Forces Moral"
In huge numbers, cheering Americans filled the streets of every major city today, throwing candy and kisses to returning soldiers...

-"Al-Qaida and Chemical Weapons Found in Iraq!"
Weapons of destruction are being found on an almost daily basis in the region...

-"9/11: 3000 Americans Slaughtered, Al-Qaida Vows More"
Taking to the streets in huge numbers, chanting "never again!", Americans are more determined than ever to fight the continued threat posed by radical Islam...

-"John Kerry: For Abortion but Against it"
Presidential hopeful John Kerry announced recently that he himself would never have an abortion but...

-"Abortion: Still Legal and Often Used"
Roe versus Wade appears to be safe from what the left terms "conspiratorial cataclysmic conservative meddling" ...

-"Iraq Not About Oil: Gas Prices Soar"
As war costs exceed hundreds of billions of dollars and gas prices are up, most rational thinking Americans have recently realized that the war was not about oil...

-"Jews Embraced by Republicans, Conservatives, Christians"
Jewish liberals are now realizing that the enemy is radical Islam....

-"Bush Funds Prescription Medications for the Elderly, Education: Liberals Elated"
Rejecting the unfair view of the President as a selfish, dim-witted country club party boy, liberal democrats laud the President for his support of what they support....

- "World's Moslems Thank U.S. for Saving Them"
Thanking the American people for coming to their aid in Bosnia, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Somalia, Iraq...

-"Michael Moore Exploits Suffering"
The American people are onto Michael Moore and have expressed outrage at his exploitation of families who have tragically lost loved ones in the war...

-"Soros Skirts McCain-Feingold and Bankrolls Kerry: Liberals Outraged"
Campaign finance reform was dealt a blow as it was discovered that billionaire George Soros was providing backdoor millions to John Kerry's....

Well, one can dream....

Marcus J. Goldman, MD is a psychiatrist and author of "The Joy of Fatherhood". His work has appeared in The Washington Times, Tech Central Station and The Boston Herald. Dr. Goldman is a Guest Writer for The Daily Cannon, OpinionEditorials.com, PoliticalUSA, NewsWithViews.com and WebCommentary.

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