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Living in a bipolar world

with Mark Vorzimmer and you and you and...

By Mark Vorzimmer
web posted October 28, 2002

You're bipolar and you probably don't even know it. That's right...I'm bipolar and so are you. I'd watched the TV ad so many times that I finally decided to go online at http://www.bipolarawareness.com/ to take the web quiz and learn my condition. I was shocked to learn that I was bipolar...that is...until I learned that my immediate family was bipolar, my relatives were bipolar, people that reminded me of my relatives were bipolar, and so are you.

Take the "Mood Disorder Questionnaire" and verify for yourself:

1. Has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self and ...
...you felt so good or so hyper that other people thought you were not your normal self or you were so hyper that you got into trouble?
...you were so irritable that you shouted at people or started fights or arguments?
...you felt much more self-confident than usual?
...you got much less sleep than usual and found you didn't really miss it?
...you were much more talkative or spoke much faster than usual?
...thoughts raced through your head or you couldn't slow your mind down?
...you were so easily distracted by things around you that you had trouble concentrating or staying on track?
...you had much more energy than usual?
...you were much more active or did many more things than usual?
...you were much more social or outgoing than usual, for example, you telephoned friends in the middle of the night?
...you were much more interested in sex than usual?
...you did things that were unusual for you or that other people might have thought were excessive, foolish, or risky?
...spending money got you or your family into trouble?

2. If you checked YES to more than one of the above...

Guess what...you're a bipolar just like I said!

Don't get me wrong, I was glad to know that I was in good company, until it occurred to me that the two DC-area snipers are also probably bipolar (Oops...I just spilled the defense strategy!). John Hinkley Jr., Mark David Chapman, Jeffry Dahmer, and Travis Bickle were all also bipolars. I was so hoping it would be an exclusive affliction like anorexia where I would be beautiful and spoiled and get to go to the bathroom all the time.

Now what do I have to look forward to...exclusive clinics? No; everyone's there...or not, as the case may be. Special parking privileges? No! Federal assistance. No again. A special medical bracelet? You should have seen the look on the pharmacy girl's face! No, I get to keep a "mood diary"...so say's my "webMD." I think I'll start looking for something else. Wait a minute...here's something interesting "How to become a Muslim."

I'll be someone important someday, or maybe I'm just talkin' out my other side.

Mark Vorzimmer is an occasional contributor to Enter Stage Right.

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